Nostalgia

a sentimental longing or wistful affection for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.

blue ticket

Things you've never been taught
to pay your taxes because learning that the square root of -7 just doesn't work is more 'important'.
you where never taught to be creative because teachers have a speific leason plan that goes from A to B, but there are 24 other letters in the alphabet and you can't do much with just A and B.
no one ever taught you how to love or how to deal with a broken heart.

Letter from my heart

Dear Maycin,
       Thank you for keeping me alive, I know that we have gone though some tough  obstacles  in our life and we still have many more but we can do it as long as we are in it together. Life is not over and sometimes feel as if nothing will get better but it always does in the end. If I could give you any advice it would be to hang on and we can do this thing. I'm here with you till the end.
     

With much love , 

Your heart 

my story

My story starts in 8th grade the day I had 4 strokes and almost died. It was my mom's birthday the day I was rushed in an ambulance to primary children's hospital. Later that day we found out that I have a blood disease called TTP. I was seconds away from dying when they rushed me into surgery to get a tube in my neck that went to my heart so I could go through dialysis everyday for 16 for 3 hours hooked to a machine getting my blood cleaned with 20 pints of plasma. They put me on many a drugs that I hallucinated that night about this boy in my hospital room that was trying to kill me by burning me alive long story short my mom didn't leave my side all night. I was moved to the 4th floor the cancer floor because I was so sensitive to everything. What I've learnt from this was that everyone is going through their own battles in life and no one can say that their battle is harder or easier that the next persons.

it doesn't hurt anymore

you're trying to hurt me like

 the ocean trying to wash away the shore

 or 

 fire eating away paper 

or 

the cold in summer

or 

empty promises

or 

broken hearts 

or 

goodbyes

but

 you can't hurt me. i'm already dead. 

who? me? afraid?

ME Afraid?

Growing up I was always told not to show that I was afraid.

BUT I am afraid and I don't think I can hide for much longer.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

human or robot

I not sure if I'm still human, I'm always doing what I'm told I don't ask much questions and I stay back in the shadows. We are all being controlled by something so aren't we all robots?

#different

They always told me I was different from everyone else. I told my grandma, she told me it's because I'm stronger than them. Me being a little kid took it as muscle, so I used it.  She always gave me the best advice but I always took it in the wrong ways. I get what she was trying to say now, those who know me know that I've been through a little and a lot of heartache and misery but having her words in my head always pulls me through. RIP Grandma<3

crayons

crayons 

I seem to keep using the same set of crayons, they are down to the last numb. I've been using this set so long that I don't know if I can go and get another set because these ones I have now are comfortable and safe. How will I know how to act around these new crayons? What if they are cool and find me dull? 

well do you?

can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?

Love is dumb but I want ours back

Your name is always playing in my head like the over played songs on the radio.

You were my first kiss I didn't see it coming and after we didn't know what to say,

you haven't kissed me since. 

You text me to ask how I'm doing.

 To be honest I miss you I miss us like my blue teddy bear that I had when I was little and couldn't fall asleep without. 

Every time my phone buzzes I hope it's you saying we made a mistake and that you miss me back. 

Life seemed better with you.

I didn't want it to end.

I didn't want to let you go.

My phone just buzzed it wasn't you this is ridiculous I'm waiting for a text that's never gonna come. 

I want your scent to cling to my clothes  and the taste of your lips to linger on mine like liquor on a drunks breath strong  and hard to not notice I want you to hold me like we are chains in a lock and the key has been thrown away I want you to hold my hand and move your thumb up and down on the back of mine I want you to cuddle with me like Netflix and chill because after one movie ends another one begins because after one movie end another one begins. 

Not all dads are heroes

My memories of him are fading; there are days I forget all about him. The thought of 

him brings pain realizing all the things he promised but never kept; when he'd leave I

 was terrified he wouldn't come back. I remember this time he took me on a "trip" to 

his "friend's", I didn't realize that he was showing me as his weak spot if he wasn't a

 "good friend." It still makes me sick. He was there to protect me but that's never what 

it felt like. My hero was really a zero. Years passed terrifying things happened all I 

wanted was him, but everyone knows that he's in love with her and everyone says 

she is to addicting to ever come back from and it kills me every time I remember him. 

She has more on him than I ever could. I was little I didn't know that she had him 

wrapped around her finger he was a kitten all he had to do was stop eating what she 

put out, but he loved it like monkeys love bananas or how I loved him. He taught me to

 never let others walk over me but never realized he was letting her. To me he was my 

knight in shinning armor when really he was holding up a mask so I couldn't see how 

lost he was. He said he's not seeing her anymore and that things are going to change 

and he's gonna be my knight again, but I'm scared to believe him I'm done getting

hurt but for his sake I hope its true I haven't seen 

the real him in a long time.

Hats

 Fridays hat day! Going back to Fridays in elementary the only day you could 

wear a hat to school. The best day for that kid that was always got in trouble for wearing one. #lifewasmoresimple